Eating Pigeon Slime

pidgeonsThe sun was warm on my face, and I watched the birds gliding from tree to tree, and the squirrels chasing each other across the grass and up the tree trunks.  Life was exciting, and the only thing on my mind was that moment in time!  I could only think about what was in front of me. What I was to do next or what had happened a few minutes before did not exist in my mind. Anna, looking down at me  with a big smile on her face, pulled four slices of white bread out of a brown paper bag she had in a pocketbook and said, “Johnny, would you like to feed the pigeons? “ She tossed the bread on my lap, and within seconds, hundreds of dirty New York pigeons swarmed around me.

I could no longer see the large fountain,  Anna, the squirrels, or the birds:  only pigeons. The pigeons were all over my body. Quickly, Anna grabbed the slices from me and threw the bread towards the fountains. The pigeons scurried in that direction and away from us. Laughing almost hysterically, Anna reached into her pocketbook and pulled  out some tissues to wipe slimy pigeon poop from my head,  arms,  and  legs.  During the ride home, I could feel the vibration of the road underneath the large soft cushions, and all I could think about at the time was the coins being sucked down through the machine into the bus floor and the taste of  a salty flavor in my mouth from the slimy pigeon poop.

God Verses 3


Bad boy stairsThe three of us took off down the stairs, laughing and giggling like little girls, while we sang another Beatles’ song, “She loves you, yeah, yeah, yeah…” Between floors, each staircase had fourteen steps until the next floor then, a sharp turn and another fourteen steps.This pattern continued all the way to the first floor.

As we reached the eighth floor, my sneaker came untied, and as we rounded the turn going from the eighth floor to the seventh floor, Gumby stepped on my loose shoelace, sending me tripping head first at the top of the stairs. Gumby fell on top of me, and Billy followed in turn falling on top of Gumby.

All of us fell down the stairs together, banging our heads, legs and arms until we reached the landing on the seventh floor. We came to a stop bunched up together in the corner next to the exit door. We laid there moaning and groaning, no longer singing delightful Beatle songs. Screeching in pain, we decided, at that moment, as we crawled into the seventh floor hallway, the elevator was the better choice to the lobby.

God Verses 2


the Making of a Bad Boy

drive inn

Although we weren’t present during the times when God created the universe, we have the book of Genesis to fill us in on the details. This is very much like life. While most don’t remember their actual birth, we know it happened and have evidence to prove it occurred (photos, stories, and a birth certificate). My earliest memory of life, however, goes as far back as remembering the feeling of pressure and the tight squeeze as I was being pushed down, along with a slow-motion sensation of being driven forward wrapped in a cocoon and drenched in complete darkness. Now, I already know what you’re thinking.

“There is no way you could possibly remember this monumental event.”

But I do… I could hear only sounds of silence as I drifted into an abyss. Then suddenly I felt what could only be described as a veil being lifted from my entire body. As my eyes opened, I saw a bright-white screen, and I heard voices all around me. The commotion and excitement was due to the fact that I had finally arrived…Yes!

There I was on the inside of an early 1960s station wagon, squashed tightly together with eight other uniquely created individuals who were all related to me by blood: my mom, my dad, my brothers, and my sisters. The experience I just described was at the Bronx Whitestone Drive-In Movie Theater.

(What? Did you really think I remembered my own birth?!)

I was tucked tightly under a blanket with my siblings on the floor of our station wagon. We were hiding from the attendant who collected a fee for each passenger inside your car. As I tried to lift myself from under the blanket, my brothers and sisters pushed me back under and told me to be silent as the gentleman poked his head into our car for a headcount to charge the appropriate fee for entrance.

God Verses 1